Why I took "returned missionary" off my list.

Before people race to the comment section to give me a piece of their minds, I invite everyone to take a deep breath, calm down, and read on. 

I grew up as most LDS young women do: being taught by my church leaders that I should marry a worthy priesthood holder and, more specifically, a returned missionary.

While I had other things on my list, those two were the most important.

It wasn't until after I served a mission that I took "Returned Missionary" off my list of top qualifiers in an eternal companion.

Don't misunderstand me. A young man who has given two years of his life in the mission field to follow the prophet and show his love for the Lord is an admirable person. My husband served a mission and I believe that it not only had a positive impact on his spirituality, but greatly influenced my decision to marry him.

He went because he had a desire to serve the Lord.

In addition, I saw many wonderful things happen where I served. I worked with amazing elders who radiated His light and followed the Spirit. I saw miracles happen because of their obedience. I also saw their confidence shine during the hard times as they knew that their trials had not come due to any fault of their own.

They went because they had a desire to serve the Lord.

However, I also worked with many elders who were in the field not because they had a desire to serve the Lord, but because:

"If I didn't go when I turned 21 (now 18), everyone would think I was sinning and my parents would start freaking out."

"I wasn't ready, but all my friends went. I couldn't be the one left behind."

"If I didn't serve, I wouldn't get married when I got home. All girls want is an RM."

I've heard many people say that it doesn't matter why you go; just do it and things will work themselves out. I would like you to know that the bar for missionary work was not raised because the general authorities had nothing better to do. Your purpose for being in the field will affect not only your mission, but your companions, investigators, and the members in the areas that you serve. 

I took "Returned Missionary" off my list because the current LDS culture (not the Church--the culture among the members) puts missionary service on such a high pedestal that many young men feel like they have to go regardless of their desire or readiness.

There are many missionaries who (1) were lazy, (2) lost the trust of the members (thus causing them to not trust future missionaries for many months and even years to come) and (3) gave investigators a terrible impression of the church...

...who came home heralded as heroes.

While all this is happening, the young women are being taught that the status of "RM" makes him the cream of the crop and most desirable above all other fruit.

Will I teach my daughter that having served a mission is a good thing to look for in a potential suitor? Yes, I will. But I will not stress it any more than I will stress the importance of him being in church on Sunday or fulfilling the callings he is given. I find it interesting that we teach the young women to focus more on the two years he spent in the spotlight as a missionary than on his willingness to do decades of thankless home teaching for the rest of his life.

To the young men planning on serving, remember that there's a lot of adrenaline surrounding a mission, especially now that the age has been changed and the missionary force has grown by tens of thousands in a very short time. Submitting papers, waiting for that big white envelope, opening your call with family and friends, announcing your news to the world, packing, getting that plane ticket...

...it's a very exciting time.

And it should be!

But don't let that excitement and adrenaline be your main push to go.

There will come a time in the field (much sooner than most expect) when the excitement and adrenaline will wear off. When that happens, your desire to serve the Lord will be what keeps you going. If that wasn't your main reason for serving, then it's going to be a long two years...

… and you'll end up being the reason that another sister takes "Returned Missionary" off the top of her list.

When the lights go out: One man's experience

Nature has unleashed a lot of super events on the world in the past few years. Many people have had experiences related to said events that they never thought they'd have. I've had experiences without power, but I've never had one in which I was using my food storage because it was the only option, so I don't have anything personal to share on the matter. However, Frantz Ostmann does. He and his family got hit by the brunt of hurricane Sandy back in 2012. On Facebook, he posted a list of things he learned from his experience.

This post is how I've chosen to share what he wrote.

1. The excitement and coolness wears off around day three.
2. You are never really prepared to go weeks without power, heat, water, etc. Never!
3. Yes, it can happen to you.
4. Just because your generator runs like a top doesn't mean it's producing electricity.
5. If you do not have water stored up, you are in trouble.
1. A couple of cases of bottled water is NOT water storage.
6. You should have as much fuel as water:
1. Propane
2. Gas
3. Kerosene
4. Firewood
5. Fire starter (kindling, paper, etc.)
7. Even the smallest little thing that you get from the store should be stocked up:
1. Spark plug for generator
2. BBQ lighter
3. Etc.
8. If you are not working, chances are nobody else is, either.
9. I was surprised at how quickly normal social behavior went out the window. I am not talking about someone cutting in line at the grocery store.
1. Three people were killed as gas stations within 50 miles of my home.
1. I did not say three fights broke out; three people were killed.
10. Cash is king--all the money in your [bank accounts] means nothing.
11. Stored water can taste nasty.
12. You eat a lot more food when you are cold.
13. You need more food than you think if your kids are out of school for two weeks.
14. Kids do not like washing their faces in cold water.
15. Your 1972 Honda Civic gets to the grocery store just as well as your 2012 Escalade, but the Honda allows more money left over for heat, food, water, a generator, firewood, a backup water pump...you get the idea.
16. The electrical grid is way more fragile than I thought.
17. Think of the things that are for your comfort, your escape, [such as] a cup of hot chocolate, a glass of milk and a ding dong before bed, tequila, etc. Stock up on those, too. You will need that comfort after day three.
18. You either quickly become the guy who knows how to wire a generator to the electrical panel...or the guy whose master degree in accounting suddenly means nothing.
19. [Those] who can cook a fine meal by candle light over the BBQ or open fire is worth [their] weight in gold. [Those] whose weight in gold wouldn't add up to much usually die off first.
20. It takes a lot of firewood to keep a fire going all day and into the night for heat.
21. All the food storage in the world means nothing if your kids won't eat it.
22. You might be prepared to take care of your children and their needs, but what about when the neighborhood children start to show up at your door?
23. Some people shut down in an emergency. There is nothing you can do about that.
24. Your town, no matter how small, is entirely dependent on outside sources for everything.
1. If supply trucks stop rolling in due to road damage, gas shortages, or anything else, you could be without for a long time.
25. In an emergency, men stock up on food; women stock up on toilet paper.
26. I was surprised at how many things run on electricity!
27. You can never have enough matches.
28. Although neighbors can be a great resource, they can also be a huge drain on your emergency storage. You need to know how you are going to handle that. It's really easy to be "Bob, the guy who shares" on day three. It's not so easy on day 11. That's just reality.
29. "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime."...now I get it.
30. All of the expensive clothes in the closet mean nothing if they don't keep you warm.
1. The same goes for shoes.
31. [It will seem like] the utility companies are run by politicians.
32. Anything that you depend on someone else for is not available anymore.
33. "A man with a chainsaw that knows how to use it is a thing of beauty."
34. Most folks don't have any emergency storage. They run to Wal-Mart and get water and batteries and then fill their tubs with water. That's it. A lucky few will [end up with] a case of ramen and a box of pop-tarts. That will be your neighbor's supply.
35. Fathers and Mothers: all the money you've ever made and everything you've ever done means nothing and is forgotten if you can't keep your kids warm and fed.
1. You really don't want to be the "unprepared parents." The kids turn on you pretty quick.
36. Small solar gadgets will keep you in touch. Most work pretty well, it seems.
37. Most things don't take much power to operate:
1. Computers
2. Phones
3. Radios
4. TVs
5. lights
38. Some things take a ton of power to operate:
1. Fridge
2. Toaster
3. Freezer
4. Hot plate
5. Microwave
39. When it gets dark at 4:30, the nights are really long without power.
40. Getting out of the house is really important, even if it is cold. Make your home the semi-warm pace to come to, not the cold prison you're stuck in.
41. Someone in your family must play or learn to play the guitar :)
42. Things that disappear [from the store or your house] will not be seen again for a long time:
1. Fuel of all kinds
2. Matches and lighters of all kinds
3. Toilet paper [and paper towels]
4. Paper plates, plasticware
5. Batteries
6. Milk
7. Charcoal
8. Spark plugs (generators)
9. 2 stroke motor oil (chainsaws)
10. Anything that could be used to wire a generator to your house
11. Extension cords
12. Medicine (tylenol, advil, claritin, etc.)
43. When you're prepared, there's a strange peace to knowing that all I had to do each day was keep my family safe, warm, and fed. But my peace was someone else's panic.

                                                  Thank you, Frantz                                                          

In addition, here are a few other things that I've thought of and picked up over time:

1. Playing on stereotypes: Women, if said disaster happens while the men in your life are unable to get to you to help because of road damage or whatever, do you know how to wire a generator?
2. Playing on stereotypes again: Men, if the women in your life aren't there when said disaster hits, do you know your way around the house well enough without needing to call her to ask where something is? 
3. Did you know that it takes eight(8) liters of water to flush a toilet?
4. Remember: no power = no electronics to distract you. What do you have in your house to pass the time? 
5. If you have young children, do you have a sufficient storage of binkies, diapers, wipes, vaseline, and formula (if you use it)? 
1. You don't want your child to get a rash because you weren't prepared.
2. Women who are nursing: Do you have enough food and water in store at home to keep yourself hydrated and nourished so that you can feed your child? If you're pumping, do you have a place to store that milk so it doesn't go bad?
6. Emergency storage should also include warm blankets.
7. In case you have to leave your home, do you have a basic travel-size 72-hour kit for every member of your family? If so, is everything in it still usable?
8. Have you tasted the stuff you have in your food storage? Do you even like it? 
9. Dried fruit can be the best thing ever.
10. Many parents think "I'll go without so my kids can be taken care of." That's great, but what are your kids going to do when you get sick because you're not taking care of yourself? Make sure you have enough for everyone to get by.

Let us prepare ourselves, yes?